Chris Matthews has been increasingly willing to call Republican politicians out on their childish attempt to rename the opposition party. I take credit for this. I didn’t hear a single Media personality even mention this pathetic trend until my 2007 cartoon on the topic ran in the Washington Post (& everywhere else). Oh, and some other obscure comic called “Doonesbury” (you’ve probably never heard of it) may have also run a similar cartoon on the very same day as mine.
Never before have I been so pissed about my website being down. Yesterday, when I made my usual rounds of the Net’s preeminent hate sites, I came across a huge (HUGE) headline on the Drudge Report. Apparently a McCain volunteer had been viciously “mutilated.” She was a 20 year-old white girl, brutally attacked by a huge, dark skinned (of course) black man. He mugged her, and when he saw her McCain bumper sticker he flew into a rage, held her down, punched her, kicked her over and over again, and then carved a “B” (for “Barack”) into her face, to “teach her a lesson.”
I’d heard this story before. We all have. Countless times. Only sometimes it’s a young white mother whose kids were stolen by a large black man (only later come to find out she was a little bit off in the details: her kids were actually sitting at the bottom of a lake where she’d put them days earlier).
I try to suspend my cynicism when I hear about things like this, because these sorts of attacks do occasionally happen. Thugs and monsters come in all colors, creeds, and shoe sizes. But then I got to the part of the article where it said she hadn’t gone to the hospital. And the part where her friend drove her around for a while until they found the place where the attack supposedly occurred. And the part where her photograph showed the “B” carved BACKWARD in her cheek, as if whoever had done it had been looking in a mirror.
But my website was down, so I couldn’t point out any of this. So I went to sleep, feeling 100% sure the hoax would be uncovered by morning. And sure enough it was. She made it up. This 20 year-old College Republican member from Texas, Ashley Todd, made the whole thing up. Reality wasn’t helping out in the whole “Obama and his supporters are scary, dangerous traitors” routine, so she had to do something. And who can blame her? She was raised in an era where her favorite party made a practice of fabricating their own facts when the real ones weren’t advantageous for them.
But at least she could’ve carved the “B” foreward. I hope that “B” she’s going to be carrying around for the rest of her life is a scarlet letter that’ll remind her, from now on, not to be such a moron.
On the bright side, when she’s out of jail, she’s got quite a career ahead of her in the Republican Party.
This has been going around the internets for a day or two. Anyone know who wrote it?:
Just to clear things up – I’m a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight….. If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you’re “exotic, different.”
Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers: a quintessential American story.
If your name is Barack you’re a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
Name your kids Willow, Trig, and Track: you’re a maverick.
Graduate from Harvard Law School and you are unstable.
Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating: you’re well grounded.
If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran’s Affairs committees, you don’t have any real leadership experience.
If your total resume is: local weather girl (sports caster), 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with fewer than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, then you’re qualified to become the country’s second highest ranking executive.
If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 daughters, all within Protestant churches, you’re not a real Christian.
If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you’re a good moral Christian.
If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state’s school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you’re very responsible. If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family’s values don’t represent America’s.
If your husband is nicknamed “First Dude”, with at least one DUI conviction and no college education, who didn’t register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.
OK, much clearer now…..
John McCain is crazy like a fox. A real maverick. He’s like a fighter pilot, zig zagging all around to stay one step ahead, behind, or on top of his opponent. While Barack Obama’s skipping through small-town America trying to shore up his vote among the white working class, McCain (maverick that he is) is going after a heretofore untapped segment of the electorate: pedophiles.
I know, it surprised me too. But what other conclusion can one reach after seeing his latest ad castigating Obama for advocating legislation that would teach young children how to protect themselves against sexual predators?
You know you haven’t got much to say about your opposition when you resort to condemning their logistics. First Fox News ran a “days since Barack Obama promised to appear on our show” clock. Now the Republican Party’s homepage is running their own countup clocks which count the days since Obama’s (a) visited Iraq, and (b) was invited to ten town hall meetings by John McCain.
Is the GOP sure it wants to play this game? The Democrats could easily respond with clocks of their own. Such as (dates are rough estimations):
1. “Days since John McCain flip-flopped on off-shore drilling: 2 days”
2. “Days since John McCain officially approved of torture: 730 days”
3. “Days since John McCain used 100 heavily-armed soldiers, 3 Blackhawks, 2 Apache gunships and a flak jacket to prove he could walk around an Iraqi marketplace without protection: 565 days”
4. “Days since the Iraqi marketplace he walked through was back under the control of insurgents: 330 days”
5. “Days since President Bush promised to fire whoever committed treason by outing an undercover CIA operative: 1,460 days”
6. “Days since President Bush vowed to capture Osama Bin Laden: 2,355 days”
7. “Days since President Bush vowed to rebuild New Orleans: 895 days”
8. “Days since President Carter called energy independence a national security matter, vowed to free us from Middle East oil, and was consequently mocked by Reagan and the next two generations of Republicans: 13,870 days”
9. “Days since President Truman tried to give Americans universal healthcare, but was rebuffed by Republicans in Congress: 21,900 days”
Etc…
Of course, none of that’s as important as Barack Obama’s travel itinerary or the burning question of whether he’ll stick to the five debates he’s offered McCain, or accept McCain’s invitation to ten. Clip from Fox News’ allegedly satirical take-off on The Daily Show: “The 1/2 Hour News Hour”1. Time index 01:01- Masses of dancing Africans are shown while Fox mentions Barack Obama supporters.This is not – we repeat, NOT – Fox News intentionally trying to scare White viewers with the thought of hordes of unruly dark people taking over the streets. They probably just couldn’t find any other footage on such short notice.2. Time index 01:14- “BO Magazine”This is not Fox using racial code words & concepts in an ongoing campaign to help as many of their viewers as possible get back in touch with their inner bigots. This is not – we repeat, NOT – Fox News dredging up the age-old stereotype about Black people smelling bad. That stereotype hasn’t been widely used for at least several decades. Several years. Well, at least several months. So it’s unreasonable to think anyone at Fox has heard of that stereotype, much less that anyone there would intentionally employ it.2. Time index 01:37- “Organize Your House – and your Senate”Fox News is not trying to conjur up the image of a Black housekeeper. In fact, this is more evocative of magazines aimed at housewives. So maybe they’re complimenting Barack Obama’s wife. Have you ever stopped to think of that?2. Time index 01:46- “Barack vs. Tiger Woods: Who’s More Diverse? “This is not an example of Fox News mocking the very existence of mixed-race Americans in order to reinforce deep-seeded White resentment. They’re actually praising diversity – showing how grateful they are that we live in a country where anyone can marry and raise kids with whomever they want (‘long as they’re not queer).2. Time index 02:03- “Don’t tell Mama, I’m for Obama”Nothing to see here.Thanks for making life more bearable, The Modern American’s Guide for Interpreting Other People’s Behavior: Women/Minority/Gay Edition™!
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