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Moonwalking Through the Pearly Gates

Posted on June 26, 2009

God. I didn’t really think any gainfully employed cartoonist would look at the Pigma Micron pen gripped between his/her fingers, then down at his/her 2-ply Strathmore Bristol paper, and think “Yeaaaah, THAT’s what I’m going to draw.” I was only half-kidding in my Twitter post yesterday, when I said “If any editorial cartoonists draw Michael Jackson moonwalking through the Pearly Gates, I will personally beat them down w/a sock full of quarters.”

That was a mistake. We’re in a Recession and I think an awful lot of cartoonists want my quarters. Here’s the first one I saw after a Tweeter sent me the link:

Bruce Plante
Tulsa World
Jun 26, 2009

I’m afraid to visit Cagle.com to see how far this virus has spread.

Candorville’s Twitter posts for the week ending 2009-06-21

Posted on June 21, 2009
  • Fox “News” tries 2 win 2009 Irony Award by being SHOCKED that we haven’t stood up & said (2 Iran) “stealing elections is unacceptable.” #
  • Paste yesterday’s Candorville in2 your 2009 tax return, send me proof & be entered 2 win signed copy of next Cville book http://bit.ly/DWjdf #
  • Obama Inauguration posters are now back in stock if you didn’t grab one the first time around: http://bit.ly/C99x #
  • The #IranElection battles sure are exciting. Their “Green Revolution” may actually bring about a kinder, gentler oppressive theocracy. #
  • Adventures in Idiocy: Just discovered #Indesign image catalogue script could do in 5 seconds wht ive spent the past 2 months doing by hand. #
  • Sen. Alexander (R) on CNN now. Sez govrun healthcare wastes 10% of its $$ so it’s better 2 help poor buy private insurance which wastes 25%. #
  • I was thinking about running #DiskDoctor on my #Macbook to get rid of some bugs, but I don’t want PETA coming after me. #
  • See America? THIS is how U respond 2 stolen elections. RT @Gul546 Video of Iran rally http://lurl.me/piseo4 #iranelection #gr88 #tehran #

Senator Ensign demands Senator Ensign’s resignation

Posted on June 16, 2009

Senator John Ensign demanding accountabilityNevada Senator John Ensign (R), “a leading conservative mentioned as a presidential candidate,” told reporters today that he is shocked and disappointed to learn he had an extramarital affair with an ex campaign staffer. He went on to demand his own resignation.

“This wouldn’t be making the national news if it was an ordinary affair,” Ensign said. “But I’m the guy who went on national TV and suggested that my fellow Republican Senator Larry Craig resign because he admitted to lewd conduct.”

Indeed, this is not the first time Senator Ensign has taken to the airwaves to demand accountability from another senator. In 2007, when Republican Senator Larry Craig was caught and convicted of trolling for sex in an airport men’s room, Ensign was unforgiving, saying “This wouldn’t be making the national news if it was an ordinary misdemeanor. He pled guilty to something that, you know lewd behavior, that’s not the behavior a United States senator should be engaged in.”

When he was informed that Nevada Senator John Ensign has praised Senator Ensign’s decision to call for Senator Ensign’s resignation, Senator Ensign explained that conservatives like him consider adultery to be lewd conduct, no matter with whom it’s committed. “If I held myself to a different standard than that to which I held Larry Craig, I would be admitting two things: First, I’d be admitting I’m a homophobe because I think Craig’s failed attempt at a homosexual tryst was worse than my successful – and very sweaty – heterosexual boot knocking. Second, I’d be admitting I’m a hypocrite. And I’m no hypocrite.”

So far, Ensign has received no reply from Ensign.

Candorville’s Twitter posts for the week ending 2009-06-14

Posted on June 14, 2009
  • Riding train thru majestic redwood 4est. Trees older than country. They’d make a gr8 bookcase & matching armoire. http://yfrog.com/5b5u9j #
  • Driving down PCH, looking at all the off-shore oil drilling rigs wrecking the view. Was about 2 complain, then I remembered we’re DRIVING. #
  • RT: Dick Cheney just refuses to get off my TV. Apparently during the years 2001-2008, his secret undisclosed location was the year 2009. #
  • Previous post re-tweeted for new followers & because I used it in a strip yesterday. #
  • Glad to be home. It’s just like the redwood forest I just visited, only with a lot less wood and a lot more plaster. #
  • It takes balls to publicly mock the IRS. But I’d like to keep mine, so I won’t.
    http://bit.ly/K8Z1I #
  • At banquet, watched drunk friend accept award & tell a story about how the guy sitting next 2 me was killed by the cops. Best. Monday. Ever. #
  • 88 year-old racist who denied Jews were victims of atrocities shoots up Holocaust Museum in attempt to win 2009 Irony Award. #
  • After Obama = Hate-mongers R shooting people cuz they fear their country is dying. Thank God it IS dying. I like the new one better. #
  • Called 2 ask bank 2 reverse newly-decreased credit line AND THEY DID. Gonna go buy lottery ticket & see where this unnatural luck takes me. #
  • GOP sez NO 2 public health plan b/c it’d kill HMOs. It’d be cheaper, more attractive & every1 would choose it. Yeah, save me from that, GOP! #
  • Grabbed “darrinbell” Facebook name in rush 2 beat 14 other Darrin Bell’s. Regret not picking “BarackObama” instead. http://bit.ly/ohJHH #

Twit Wisdom by Senator Grassley

Posted on June 8, 2009

As reported in today’s Boston Globe, eight year-old Republican Senator Chuck Grassley went straight to Twitter to vent his outrage at President Obama’s request that Congress deliver on the stalled healthcare reform legislation.

Grassley’s first tweet: “Pres Obama you got nerve while u sightseeing in Paris to tell us ‘time to deliver’ on health care. We still on skedul/even workinWKEND.”

A short time later: “Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said ‘time to delivr on healthcare’ When you are a ‘hammer’ u think evrything is NAIL I’m no NAIL.”

I’ve scanned through the Senator’s old twits looking for similar condemnations he must have issued every time President Bush said “I want that legislation on my desk” while vacationing at his ranch in Crawford, TX. I couldn’t find a single one. Call me crazy, but I suspect Twitter not having existed back then is only part of the reason.

Candorville’s Twitter posts for the week ending 2009-06-07

Posted on June 7, 2009
  • New blog post: What Time It Is? http://bit.ly/VPuRF #
  • Anyone else having iTunes problems? First all apps on iPhone stopped working. Then tried logging into account on iTunes & got error message. #
  • My iPhone apps won’t open & I need their data b4 I restore. How can I see the directories & drag files stored by 3rd party apps to my Mac? #
  • Fixed #iPhone by restoring from oldest backup. Wonder if I can also fix credit score that way. #
  • New blog post: Where’s Cheney? part 1 http://bit.ly/ahbGD #
  • #Candorville starts in Santa Cruz Sentinel 2day. Will break in2 stands & autograph all papers when there this weeknd. Hope fans have bail $. #
  • Walking thru supermarket, noticed a vibrating razor. 5 sharp blades. Vibrating. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Naturally I bought it. #
  • Note 2 self: go on Amazon.com, buy shoulder-mounted insect-devouring lizard for next mid-day hike through Griffith Park. #
  • REALLY weird vibe in #Griffith_Park 2day. Guys keep stopping mid-trail& staring@me&each other. Finally stared back&1 dude ducked bhind tree. #
  • New blog post: Fan-Made “Green Lantern” Movie Trailer http://bit.ly/4A9Sb #
  • New blog post: Where’s Cheney? part 2 http://bit.ly/VJoLm #
  • New blog post: Where’s Cheney? part 3 https://www.candorville.com/2009/06/ #
  • Just saw Tom Hanks get smashed by huge meteor on Tonight Show. This was actually the original ending 4 “Angels & Demons.” True story. #
  • NEW COMIC: Dick Cheney’s In the Closet
    http://tinyurl.com/rbz8tf #
  • There were clouds today but no rain. Then the sun came out & it rained. Now rain’s gone but clouds are back. It must not be opposite day. #
  • Ken Burns sent me ALL his documentaries in xchange 4 a signed Candorville print. Speechless now. http://yfrog.com/0nvulpayj #
  • Readers R funny. Use “you’re” when u should use “your” ONCE & ur illiterate. Even though you’ve used your & you’re correctly for 5 years. #
  • Ate a sandwich while hiking on the trail. Came home. Sat on couch & had trail mix for lunch. Something’s wrong here. #
  • On road trip to Santa Cruz. It’s a tour of California wildlife: oxen, cattle, rest stop perverts… http://yfrog.com/29gjyj #

Candorville website archive problems

Posted on June 3, 2009

The archives aren’t working so the only thing you can see for now is the current day’s strip. Sorry for the inconvenience, I’m looking into it & I’ll fix it as soon as I can. If any of you WordPress or Comicpress wizards know what might be wrong & how I might fix it, please shoot me an e-mail at candorville at gmail.com (replacing “at” with “@”).

UPDATE- Fixed it!

Fan-Made “Green Lantern” Movie Trailer

Posted on June 1, 2009

Disclaimer: I owned a set of Green Lantern underoos as a kid, and I once created my own power ring, so I may be a little biased. But I would line up for this movie RIGHT NOW if it were real. Check out this incredibly well-made fake “Green Lantern” trailer:

Candorville’s Twitter posts for the week of 2009-05-31

Posted on May 31, 2009
  • Tom Ridge sez Obama being “political” by “looking backward” 2 justify current 4n policy. I thought that was called “learning from history.” #
  • Hiking. 60+ yo man struts by w/red bandana hangin from back left pocket. How’d gang member get 2 live so long? He must’ve been on desk duty. #
  • Heard CA banned a great threat to marriage. Panicked until I realized this wasn’t about banning booze, football, or Vegas. #
  • Watching black prop8 supporters on TV gleefully extoll “will of voter.” If it’d been left up2 voters we’d still have separ8 water fountains. #
  • There’s a reason the civil rights movement was fought in the courts: the scared masses will ALWAYS vote against people who aren’t like them. #
  • Picked up new client-stirs college memories. Driving from UCB thru redwoods, deer, drunken mud-covered naked people… Gotta luv Santa Cruz. #
  • White woman rolled eyes @Latina yardworker, saw Laura &me & rolled eyes again. How big a showoff RU if ur flexin ur EYE muscles 4 strangers? #
  • Every1 ignoring context of her speech. Judge Sotomayor sez life xperience would lead 2 wiser decisions in SEX AND RACE DISCRIMINATION CASES. #
  • Just smacked down forum-dweller bitching about #BSG at TrekBBS. Haven’t been in a nerd-fight in quite some time. Invigorating. I feel alive. #
  • Flashy graphic. Blitzer says WH wants both Palestinians & Israelis 2 follow existing plans. Only on cable is STATUS QUO “breaking news.” #
  • Heard Archie will propose 2 Veronica. If they stay true 2 the comix (he always ended up w/2 dates on same night), he’ll marry her AND Betty. #
  • Tom Tancredo (R) is right: La_Raza IS just like the KKK “except for the hoods and the nooses” (& the violence & the racial supremacy thing). #
  • Hiking. 6 taggers ruining hillside on my favr8 path. Opened mouth 2 drop some life-changing wisdom on ’em, all that came out was “not cool.” #

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