1. Q: I sent you an e-mail, and you responded. Other cartoonists never respond to me, but you did. Does that mean that, unlike them, you’re a loser who doesn’t have a life?
A: No, it means that unlike other cartoonists, I don’t live in an ivory tower on a mountain-top, far from the people, where I’m waited on by manservants, and where I tell people I’m “too busy” to answer their e-mails — when what I really mean is I don’t give a @#$^ about anyone but myself.
2. Q: I sent you an e-mail and you never responded.
A: I was too busy.
3. Q: Do you have any advice for someone who wants to someday be a cartoonist who lives in an ivory tower?
A: Study the liberal arts (history, literature, government, etc.) so you’ll know a thing or two about the world around you. Read everything you can get your hands on, even technical manuals for your remote control, or the soft porn – otherwise known as “Cosmopolitan” – at your dentist’s office. Funny, profound, or thought-provoking ideas can come from anywhere. Notice I didn’t say anything about taking art lessons? That’s because the basis for a good cartoon is the idea, not the artwork. Good writing is more important than good art. As for the art, all it takes is talent and practice. Draw all the time. Draw people around you. Draw animals you see passing outside your window. Draw cars, and hamburgers, and mailboxes. If this sounds like too much work, then cartooning is not for you. Finally, visit the Toon Talk discussion forum, where professional and amateur cartoonists hang out, and ask for advice. Someone there is always happy to give you some.
Last but not least, marry a very rich person who can afford to support you, since you’re going to be broke the rest of your life.
4. Q: Do you sell Candorville books, t-shirts, etc.?
A: Yes, there are TWO Candorville books: “Candorville: Thank God for Culture Clash,” and the brand new one, “Another Stereotype Bites the Dust: a Candorville Collection.” The books collect the first 18 months of the “Candorville” comic strip. If you’d like to see a third book, you MUST buy copies of the first two books for everyone you know, their friends, their friends’ friends, and their goldfish. That’ll get the publisher’s attention, and get us a big treasury edition with full-color Sundays.
You can buy Candorville books at this very website, using a credit card. You can also buy them at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble.com or at your local bookstore (if they don’t have it in stock, just ask them to order it for you, they’ll be happy to). If you get the books through the Candorville website, it’ll come autographed and include a sketch. It’ll also be numbered, and can include a dedication if you’d like. You can buy t-shirts, coffee mugs & much more featuring Candorville designs at the Candorville cafepress store.
5. Q: Everyone knows social commentary and politics DO NOT BELONG on the comics page! The comics page is just supposed to be funny! That’s why it’s called “The Funny Pages!”
A:
6. Q: Why do you critique the Republican Party so often? Why don’t you critique the Democrats?
A: I critique whoever has control over the direction of the nation. Critiquing the Democrats more than I already do makes as much sense as critiquing a brick wall (which has only slightly less input in Congress). I won’t invent Democratic complicity in our current troubles just to create the appearance of “balance.” That’s one of the problems with the rest of the Media these days. They minimize the scandals of one party and magnify those of the opposition party in order to appear balanced, and that gives a false impression of current events. If you want to see Candorville dissect Democratic behavior and ideas, give Democrats control of at least one house of Congress (UPDATE – I see one or two of you really, really wanted to see Candorville take on Democrats last November). I believe satire is effective and useful only when it attacks the powerful, not the powerless. When it attacks the powerless, it’s not satire — it’s mockery.
7. Q: Thank you for funny, thought-provoking, subversive commentary. I love what you do.
A: You’re welcome.
8. Q: You suck. You’re not funny. Why don’t you do something more suited to your talents, like developing a cure for insomnia?
A: You’re welcome.
If your question’s not on this list, feel free to ask by e-mail, or post the question in the Candorville discussion forum.
